On changing.

The old present is fading, making way for the new reality. I seem to be more awake, I bike around the block for fun, I make my bed. I brush my teeth. I laugh. The Quantity of Laughing is the easiest way to measure Love for the Present (aka happiness).

I become more eloquent as the emotional storm is subduing. The question are the same: How do you feel? What is it like? What did you DO there?

I look at other people and am delighted with their colorful daring lives. It reminds me that there is something ancient about this new reality. This used to be my only reality. Then I left. Spain became my only reality as it was unfamiliar and liberating.

Now I am here again. So is the girl I used to be. Of course, there is the unexoticness of repetition, - rain on grey streets - but at the same time I am confronting my whole Self, as it is now. Connecting with a longer time ago.

I notice that there is a song that's always there. It connects different stages. Just recently I recognized it. There is this whole and partly subconscious reality of the Self that is formed by everything lived and felt. It is always there, connecting life's phases. This is what you should nourish, no matter what the circumstances, and this is where you live from. Your external reality adapts to what you keep there. It's your song.

Here in Amsterdam it is all there, all of me, my old dutchness, my life in Spain, everything, and also the now. And I embrace everything. I'm learning not to make judgments about movements I hardly understand.

There is expansion and change.
There is a neverchanging heart in me.
I am here, for now, and I am fine.